Here’s the thing. At some point, we really do need to stop being our own-worst-enemy. Well, we do if we want to be happier and less stressed.

Our own-worst-enemy can sabotage all sorts of things in life, and you can probably recognise your own-worst-enemy-self in action. You might be familiar with that harsh inner-critic? The one that compares you with all the filtered, faked up versions of anyone else you think is better than you. The nagging self-doubt.

If we are not paying attention, our own-worst-enemy-self can unconsciously self-sabotage everything that we want and everything that we care about. We hold ourselves back and beat ourselves up – and we invest a vast amount of time and energy in doing so.

But what if we could stop doing that? What if we could actually encourage and support ourselves in life?

Somehow, we need to learn to be our own-best-friend-self. We need to start supporting and encouraging ourselves just like a best friend would. We need to give ourself a chance in life.

The first step in becoming your own-best-friend-self (OBFS) is to make time to listen to your own-worst-enemy-self (OWES) and to hear all of it’s fears. Why? Because, as self- sabotaging as your OWES is, it’s only trying to stop you being hurt. It thinks it’s got your best interests at heart, even though it doesn’t.

So, before you go any further, go and get yourself a pen and plenty of paper. It’s time to call out every self-sabotaging thought or feeling you have. If you really want to reduce your stress and feel more fulfilled in life, you have to look these lovingly in the face. Not in a judgemental way. In an ‘I’m your best friend, and I want to support you in life’ way. You have to own them all, otherwise they will continue to get in your way.

What are your self-judgements?
What are your self-doubts?
What are your ‘I’m not good enough’ beliefs?
How about your ‘I could never do/be/have that’ beliefs?

Now, look at that list. What would your best friend say about those things? So, to look at this list through the loving eyes of your own-best-friend-self; look at each thing you have written down and know that at some point in your life, it served a purpose, so make peace with it. Then go through your entire list, one thing at a time, and ask yourself:

Do I still need that judgement or belief now? Does it serve me? If so, how?
Or, do I want to let that go now?

Write your answers down. Don’t just skip through it in your head. Writing things down gets you to look at them, and own them, at a deeper level. It’s transformational. When you have looked at them in this way you are more likely to spot them when they are playing out in your everyday life. You will have more chance of interrupting those self-sabotaging OWES reactions and replacing them with OBFS responses.

 If we were to write a list of the qualities that an ideal best friend would have, it would likely include things like… being supportive, honest, kind, fun, a good listener, genuine, trustworthy, encouraging, loving, and always there for us when we need them.

How lovely. And we are very lucky if we have someone like that in our lives, so a shout out to them. We are likely that person for another, or others, so a shout out to you too.

The question is, why aren’t we being that for ourselves? And, what would life be like if we were?

You see, being all those things to yourself really has nothing to do with whether anyone else is being those for you. Nobody gets in the way of you loving and supporting yourself, except you. And that can change. I hope it does.

You already are supportive, honest, kind, loving, trustworthy, and loving. You just need to be that to you, as well as others.

So, what would it look like if you were to be your own-best-friend-self?

Your own-best-friend-self will be there to support you in every way they can. They won’t judge you, or your mistakes. But they will hold you accountable to be the amazing person they know you to be. They won’t have you thinking small about yourself, because that’s not who you are. They see the best in you, and it’s that that they support you to be.

You can be all of that, for you. And why on earth wouldn’t you be all of that? Why wouldn’t you be the love that you are, to yourself?

You need to decide if you are prepared to make a full commitment to supporting, encouraging, and loving yourself – just like a true friend would. I mean that. I want with all my heart for you to stop being your own-worst-enemy-self and start giving yourself the love and support that you deserve.

It will take time to change the habit, but you can if you want to. I can’t do this for you. I am here encouraging you, just like your best friend would, but you need to make the choice. Will you start supporting yourself? Will you start respecting yourself? Will you start loving yourself? Will you give yourself a chance?

To help you to become your-own-best-friend I have created this Becoming Your Own-Best-Friend-Self Guided Meditation for you to listen to. I recommend listening to it just before you go to bed at night and doing so until you have become your OBFS and every time that you need a reminder.

If you know that you have the tendency to be more own-worst-enemy-self than own-best-friend-self and you want more help with that, then check out my 30 Day Become Your Own-Best-Friend-Self Live Course